- Oxford Lunch Dating Websites
- Oxford Lunch Dating Site
- Oxford Lunch Dating Sites
- Oxford Lunch Dating Service
A few months ago, I went on a first date with a white man. We decided to go to the pub, very casual. About ten minutes in, completely unsolicited, he launched into a speech about his fascination with Hong Kong (if you’re wondering how he knew about my family ties to Hong Kong, it was because he had found a picture which I posted on Instagram – two years and fifty posts ago). I sat there and nodded politely, feigning interest as he told me about how his grandfather used to tell him about it when he was young, how he had subsequently dreamt of moving there, and how this led him to study Mandarin at university. Bear in mind that Cantonese is the primary language of Hong Kong, not Mandarin.
‘Hong Kong is my place. I always knew I belonged there,’ he concluded. I had no idea how to react. I’m not sure how he was expecting me to react either. Praise? Admiration? Applause? Part of me was holding back laughter because it’s the kind of thing that I’ve joked about with my friends, but never thought would actually happen. To clarify, there’s nothing wrong with people liking Hong Kong: to criticise that would be absurd. But to deliver a full-blown oration on the merits of a life lived in Hong Kong to someone whose interest you assumed on the basis of their ethnic identity is unnecessary to say the least.
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The other aspect of this encounter that I found deeply uncomfortable was the part where I was made to feel like an academic subject. When we moved on to the topic of family, which I foolishly assumed would be safe territory, he would nod along knowingly (read: frustratingly) as I told him about my interactions with my parents, as if he recognised everything I was saying from a module on Confucian familial values he took in his second year. It’s one thing to study a country and its culture. It’s quite another to assume an understanding of an individual because you spent a year in their country of origin – far more time than I myself have spent in China.
it would appear that there are not just cultural boundaries, but also racial insensitivities to be faced when dating white people.
I’ve gone on about this guy for a while now, and not exactly in a way that would lead you to think that we went on a second date (we didn’t). I’ve also written previously about my own experiences with fetishisation. So why do I still accept when white guys ask me out?
Oxford Lunch Dating Websites
I’m not the only one. In 2014, Christian Rudder, co-founder of OkCupid and a Harvard-educated data scientist, carried out research on dating preferences by analysing millions of records. He discovered that Asian men are the least desirable racial group to women and that black women are the least desirable racial group to men. Not only that, white men got more replies from almost every ethnic group. While the study only seems to include data on heterosexual relationships, the conclusion is clear: white men are statistically the most desirable.
But why? From my experience on this date alone, it would appear that there are not just cultural boundaries, but also racial insensitivities to be faced when dating white people. While I don’t want to diminish anyone’s agency – it goes without saying that some white people make amazing partners! – I do think that part of the answer lies in deep-rooted cultural values that make white people attractive in a way that doesn’t apply to people of colour.
It goes without saying that there is a difference in privilege which can lead to a power imbalance.
For example, whenever my sister announced that she had a new boyfriend, my parents would never fail to inquire as to his ethnicity. If he was white, there would be grudging approval. If he wasn’t, he had better have some other redeeming feature, like good job prospects. I had similar experiences: a white boy was very palatable but a South Asian boy necessitated further questioning. I think this is partially because my parents think that having a white partner allows for easier assimilation – something they value highly – but perhaps there is also an unspoken sense of superiority that can be derived from climbing a putative racial hierarchy. Of course the opposite is also often true: many immigrant parents are keen for their children to marry within their own race to preserve their culture and the supposed ‘racial purity’ of their grandchildren. Although I don’t agree with either of these values whatsoever, we are often involuntarily shaped by what we repeatedly see and experience.
Oxford Lunch Dating Site
Relationship dynamics between white people and people of colour can also be complicated. It goes without saying that there is a difference in privilege which can lead to a power imbalance. Having been with a white person, I’m grateful not to have experienced this overtly, but there are tiny, almost imperceptible things that I did start to notice: waiters would default to them instead of me when it came to decision making, and the looks that I get in particular spaces, like museums or fancy restaurants, vary depending on the race of the person I’m with.
People of colour are often viewed and treated as less desirable than their white counterparts. Interactions with white people on the dating scene can leave us feeling othered. Incessant race-based assumptions chafe. Waupun matchmaking managers. Despite all of this, interracial couples have reported being more satisfied in their relationships than intraracial couples. While not all interracial couples involve a white person, perhaps this is sufficient evidence that we shouldn’t give up on dating outside our own race. Cultural boundaries can be crossed and racial presuppositions can be unlearned. If you decide that you like someone enough, I think it’s important to allow some room for ignorant questions, to have patience while they learn, and, above all, to get comfortable talking about race.
Troy, A. B., Lewis-Smith, J., & Laurenceau, J. (2006). Interracial and intraracial romantic relationships: The search for differences in satisfaction, conflict, and attachment style. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23(1), 66-77. doi:10.1177/0265407506060178
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Oxford is home to some of the most romantic bars and restaurants I’ve ever visited. If you’re looking to impress your girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, tute partner turned life partner, Tinder date, or the girl you fell in love with at Bridge last night, look no further than this list of idyllic date destinations.
1) The Varsity Club
The Varsity Club is Oxford High Street’s hottest date place. The trendy cocktail lounge and restaurant, made up of three floors and a large roof terrace, boasts a playlist of romantic, relaxing tunes and a reasonably priced drinks menu. In Trinity term, the rooftop bar is an ideal destination for a first – or a thirtieth – date. Cosy up with your partner against the backdrop of Oxford’s dazzling skyline, and bond over cocktails and snacks from the bar. In Michaelmas and Hilary terms, TVC’s indoor space is equally romantic and intimate, and the snug sofas in the bar area are ideal for a cosy rendezvous.
Info: 9 High Street Oxford OX1 4DB. Tel: 01865 248777
Gee’s is ideal if you’re looking for a romantic, elegant restaurant to visit with your significant other. Built in 1898, the brightly lit, plant-adorned glasshouse is airy and atmospheric, and boasts a selection of rustic, regularly redesigned menus for lunch, brunch, and dinner. Though the bijou restaurant is on the more expensive side – with prices of mains on the current all day menu ranging from £14.50 to £28.95 – its Mediterranean style food is excellent, and the enchanting design of the conservatory makes for a magical evening. If it’s a special occasion, or if you’re in a particularly spendthrift mood, you could treat yourself and your partner to a drink from the bar’s expansive wine list, and watch the evening turn into night from the inside of the Victorian glasshouse.
Info: 61 Banbury Road, Oxford, OX2 6PE. Tel: 01865 553540
3) The Duke of Cambridge
Oxford Lunch Dating Sites
The Duke of Cambridge is a personal favourite of mine. The atmosphere in the trendy bar is consistently vibrant, and the friendly bar staff and chilled music add to its appeal. The relaxed vibe of the bar – combined with the fact that it’s always bustling with students – will immediately eliminate any first date nerves, as will the bar’s bounteous alcohol supply. During the bar’s happy hours (4pm to 9pm Sunday to Thursday, and 4pm to 7.30pm Friday and Saturday), cocktails are priced from £4.95, so you can live within the means of your student loan and simultaneously impress your date with your knowledge of Jericho’s finest bars. Perhaps indulge in a ‘Sharer for Two’ – I recommend the delicious raspberry martini – before taking a romantic post-drinks stroll in the quiet backstreets of Jericho.
Info: 5-6 Little Clarendon St, Oxford OX1 2HP. Tel: 01865 558173
Oxford Lunch Dating Service
4) The Rickety Press
The Rickety Press is an ideal date destination if you tend to take a relaxed approach to courtship. The restaurant lacks the elegance and artistry of Gee’s, but it makes up for it in its rustic, quirky design – the restaurant’s walls are lined with books and Bohemian artwork – and delicious food. The Rickety Press offers a variety of mouth-watering, albeit slightly pricy, burgers – from their signature ‘The Dodo’ burger at £9, to their new ‘Holy Guacamole’ sweet potato, black bean and quinoa patty at £9.75 – as well as delicious wood fired pizza, with prices starting from £6.50. Though the venue isn’t the most overtly romantic of Oxford’s restaurants, its buzzy, homely atmosphere makes it the perfect setting for an unconventional, intimate date, deep in the heart of Jericho.
Info: 67 Cranham Street, Jericho, Oxford OX2 6DE. Tel: 01865 424581
5) Turl Street Kitchen
Located in the centre of Oxford, Turl Street Kitchen is a cosy, pretty restaurant, perfect for a candlelit dinner for two, or simply for a romantic hot chocolate shared on the sofas upstairs. The menu offers a variety of enticing dishes, all which are locally and freshly sourced – perhaps flirt over a plate of maple roast butternut squash, or, if you’re feeling slightly more risqué, make a declaration of love over a TSK bread and butter pudding.
Info: 16-17 Turl Street, Oxford, OX1 3DH. Tel: 01865 264171
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